Transforming Inner Conflict

You have the opportunity for a great new job, but it would mean moving from the home that you love. You see yourself as an honest person, but you just told a friend you were busy, even though you’re not. Your parents have asked your opinion on their renovation plans; you really don’t like their plans, but you’re afraid to hurt their feelings.

Our lives are full of situations like this: choosing between two options, both of which have pros and cons; relating to people when you have mixed feelings; accepting contradictory qualities within ourselves. Trying to resolve these issues can cause us a lot of stress and worry and can sometimes even make us ill. When we don’t know how to deal with this kind of internal confusion, we often see ourselves as being indecisive or incompetent, and make any number of negative judgements about ourselves - then we feel even worse.

The reality is that these kinds of situations occur all the time and are part of our lives. Often when we experience them, we tend to see things as black and white, good or bad, yes or no, which limits our options, and locks us into “either/or” choices. However, it is possible to recognize the many shades of gray that exist in most situations and expand our perceptions, so that we can make choices, resolve issues, and accept ourselves in a calm, confident and non-judgemental way. It is simply a case of developing new skills which allow us to look at several sides of an issue , at new options and at different ways of looking at ourselves. This in turn can lead to more self-confidence, more creativity, and greater acceptance of ourselves and others.

The exercise below helps you to develop new strategies for dealing with inner conflict. Although it is very easy, simple and fun to do, it can have a profound effect. Over time it can help you to experience greater understanding and compassion, both for yourself and others. The ability to resolve one issue tends to expand to address other and deeper issues, so that you find yourself more and more able to deal with the inevitable conflicts that life presents. Another benefit that you can experience is the sense of integration as you recognize how apparently separate qualities and ideas are actually connected. This in turn generates a greater and greater sense of peace.

As you become familiar with the exercise you will find you no longer need to read these instructions, and eventually you may choose not to document or draw the experience. You may even find yourself wanting to share the exercise with others - even children can do it!

So relax, sit back and enjoy the exercise.
Transforming Inner Conflict

Integration Exercise

Purpose:

This exercise will help you when you are experiencing stress, tension or even illness from conflicting thoughts, life options or inner aspects of yourself that are blocking forward movement or inner peace. It can help you find relief or solutions easily and quickly.
How it works:

When you look at only two sides of an issue or situation, it tends to lead to a win-lose choice. However, when you can explore a variety of aspects, you can make a peaceful decision which integrates desirable elements of both “sides.”
Instructions:

You can read these instructions as you go along, or better still, read them onto a tape or have someone else read them. After doing it a few times, you will not need the instructions.

1. Set up crayons, pastels or paint and three sheets of paper.
2. Sit comfortably and gently relax yourself by focussing on your breath and breathe deeply into your belly. Do this five times, letting go of any “busy” thoughts or distractions. Let yourself be here doing this now. Now gently focus on breathing normally.
3. Silently ask yourself to identify the most important area in your life where you feel inner conflict. Reflect on a situation where there is conflict, contradiction or confusion. Identify the two opposite, unharmonious viewpoints, options or aspects of yourself.
4. Now take a deep breath and focus on just one of these viewpoints. Recall your feelings about it. What is comfortable and uncomfortable about this option? What are the benefits of this option? What are the disadvantages of this option? Let this viewpoint or feeling show itself to you as a colour, shape or image. Does it have anything to say to you, any words? What is the main feeling that comes with it?

When you are ready, sit up and draw any colours, images, words that you sensed. If there were none, using your intuition, simply pick up colours and begin to draw shapes. Put the feeling you had into colour. Sometimes more information will come to you as you document this.

Once you finish, think of one or two words to express the feeling around this option and write the word or words down. (For example, “Angry.”) Next, if you could label this option what would that be? Write that down. (For example, “Quit my job.”)

As you look at the drawing and words, identify what the different parts of the drawing mean to you.
5. Now relax back again. Breathe deeply and thank that last image. As you breathe in once more, let it go and bring yourself to stillness again by imagining a blank inner screen.
6. Breathe again and let your focus now go to the other viewpoint, or option. Recall what it feels like. Is it comfortable or uncomfortable? What are the pros and cons of this option? If it were a colour, shape or image, what would that be? Let it show itself to you. What does it have to say?

When you are ready, again sit up and draw any colours, images, words that you sensed. If there were none, let your intuition decide on colours and begin to draw shapes. Put the feeling into a colour or colours.

Once you finish, again think of one or two words to express the feeling around this option and write the word or words down. Next, if you could label this option what would that be? (For example, “Freedom”) Write that down. As you look at the drawing and words, identify what the different parts of the drawing mean to you.
7. Compare the two drawings. Lay the two pages in front of you and notice the difference parts of the drawings, colours and words. What seems different? What is similar?
8. Integration Steps:

Now relax back again and resettle. Breathe deeply and let both images go. As you breathe again, bring yourself to stillness by visualizing a blank inner screen.

Now let your mind open and feel your willingness to allow these two images to mix or join together to create a new or different image or feeling. Ask for help to create something that is more beneficial to you at this time. Ask for help from your personal spiritual source, the wisdom within you, or your spiritual guide. What would be worthwhile to keep from the original two options, and what needs to be left behind? Take your time and see what colors and images are there now. What feelings are there now? Are there any sounds or words? Does it have anything to say to you? Ask how this is beneficial and helpful.

When you are ready, document or create a new drawing based on whatever you have experienced, or as an alternative, look at the two previous drawings and combine them in some way into one drawing, or into words, or both. Just let your intuition tell you what to do, one step at a time.

Write one or two words that express the feeling of this integrated image or words. What would you label or call this final option? Write that down.
9. Once this documentation is done, lay the three pages down and reflect on the feeling of the third drawing. What elements were retained and what elements were discarded from the first two drawings? How does this third drawing feel? What have you learned about yourself? Are there any insights from this drawing which suggest how to move forward in this life situation or issue, or how to express the new internal feeling associated with it? How might you express this third new quality and put it into action?

When you observe how you labelled or named each option, what have you learned about your perspective of each? Consider how you labelled it and how that affected your response or reaction. Notice how impermanent or illusory the initial labelling of the problem may have been.
10. Allow a few days to integrate this physically, emotionally and mentally. Just stay open, gently allowing any feelings that result from this shift of perspective to arise and move on. Sometimes there may be emotional ups and downs as it integrates and changes how you feel. Just let this be okay.

Sometimes holding this conflict and tension in the body then letting go can have the effect of physically detoxifying: runny nose, sweating, crying or diarrhea. Drinking water helps to ease this process.

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Transforming Inner Conflict